THE PSYCHOLOGIST AND I: TWO STRANGERS IN A ROOM
DISCLAIMER — For Personal Reflection Only
The content of this blog represents my personal experiences and reflections as a masseur. I am not a licensed mental-health professional, therapist or psychiatrist, and I do not offer medical, psychological or psychiatric treatment.
Massage, meditation, breathing and self-reflection can sometimes support well-being — but they are not a substitute for professional medical or psychotherapeutic treatment. If you are experiencing mental health difficulties (such as depression, trauma, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, or emotional distress), please consider contacting a qualified mental-health professional or medical doctor.
The effects described here are purely anecdotal: every person is unique. There is no guarantee that you will experience similar results. Use any techniques or ideas mentioned in these texts only if they feel safe, and at your own risk.
This blog is not instructional therapy — it is a personal diary aimed at raising awareness and fostering reflection on the human experience.
If at any time you feel overwhelmed, distressed or in crisis — or have thoughts of self-harm — please reach out for professional help immediately (mental-health practitioner, emergency services or a crisis hotline). Your safety and well-being matter more than any blog or technique.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Lessons and diaries on meditation, inner peace, massage, trauma release, and phenomenology
Chapter 1: Introduction - Just Another Customer
Chapter 2: Getting to Know the Psychologist
Chapter 3: Thoughts on Anxiety, Meditation and Mental Health
Chapter 4: Meditation and Its Benefits
Chapter 5: Awareness and Acceptance
Chapter 6: When the Body and Mind are Finally One
Chapter 7: Traumas Stored in Our Bodies
Chapter 8: The Importance of Ending the Day Positively
Chapter 9: Conclusion - No Longer an Ordinary Customer
CHAPTER 1: JUST ANOTHER CUSTOMER
AUTUMN IN BRUSSELS
It was 28 September 2025 in the busy city of Brussels, when the leaves started to turn from green to brown, and fall from the trees, and when the weather turned colder, which indicated the transition from summer to fall. It was still “warm enough” but many people already wore jackets and warm clothes. Luckily the sun was still shining.
I was just finished with a previous customer when I saw an old man waiting in line behind the door. I asked him if he was indeed the next, to which he answered yes. I looked at the time and it was past 5 minutes as scheduled.
I told him that I would need time to tidy up.
“Is it possible that you can come back in a few minutes?” He seemed to be okay with it, but looking at his reaction, I was not sure if he was happy or frustrated.
When I was ready, I then asked him to go inside. Then we began the session.
‘YOU ARE A PSYCHOLOGIST?’
Sometimes before the massage, I had to ask my customers what their job is. If they worked in the office, I would probably start at their back and shoulders, because I would expect that the common problems in those kinds of professions would be a stiff neck, or some strain on the shoulders or arms.
In this case, my customer was a psychologist. I assumed that he also spends a lot of his time in the computer doing administration or writing, or standing a lot while giving lectures in front of a class.
“You are a psychologist?” I had to ask again to confirm if I heard it right. Hearing it actually changed my impression of him.
I then started to ask him follow-up questions such as who his favorite psychologist is. I was aware there are different approaches to psychology. I like to read books that deal with human psychology.
When we finished, I told him that my favorite book was “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl after I gave him my business card.
Looking back, I would not have thought that it would be the start of an unexpected connection between two strangers.
CHAPTER 2: GETTING TO KNOW THE PSYCHOLOGIST
Later that same day, he sent me a message.
“….You are a very good masseur… You told me you also give massages on your place. For me that is even more easy than Brussels. May I ask for a reservation?”
The psychologist will find himself booking one massage session after another in Zuienkerke. After every session, we would talk and discuss about meditation and psychology.
“Can I ask a question?” I said to him after one of our sessions, as if I was his student.
“You can ask whatever you want,” he said, as if he was giving a lecture in front of a class.
“What inspired you to take psychology?” I asked, curiously.
After obtaining his degree at the university, he knew that this is what he wanted to do in his life. He said that his interest for psychology began at an early age, when a relative in a nearby psychiatric hospital used to visit his family and told stories about the said hospital.
Up until now, after so many years, he still does what he loves doing.
For some reason, it made me reflect on my own decisions. Psychology was my first course in the Philippines, after I decided to take the safe path, and decided to shift. Unlike my customer, my interest in psychology originated from the desire to understand myself, and to heal. Had I continued, it made me ask, would I also have followed the same path?
CHAPTER 3: THOUGHTS ON ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND MENTAL HEALTH
THE STATE OF MENTAL HEALTH IN BELGIUM
I did not let the opportunity pass. Since my customer is a psychologist, I tried to be more open about him especially about my thoughts on mental health.
Here are some statistics that I found out for Belgium:
According to Sciencano, a recognized research institution in Belgium, as of late 2025, about 1 in 5 Belgians report that they suffer from a mental health disorder (anxiety, depression or related problems).
Official national surveys (Sciensano / BELHEALTH) show that anxiety and depression remain the most frequent mental-health issues.
As of 2024, approximately 15–17% of adults reported having anxiety or depressive symptoms.
Among youth and young adults (especially ages 15–24), rates are higher — nearly 1 in 4 among them report anxiety or depression; also higher occurrence of self-harm, suicidal thoughts or attempts.
Self-reported suicidal thoughts or attempts have increased since 2018.
Sleep problems, stress, fatigue, dissatisfaction with life or social isolation remain widespread: many report poor sleep or feelings of loneliness.
MY OWN STRUGGLES
At one point in one of our sessions, during October when the weather changed drastically and the temperature suddenly became colder, I was open enough to confess to him that I too was struggling. I told him that the weather made me feel down, knowing that it doesn’t have much sun as I want to have. It was also due to the transition from summer to autumn, when the weather changed drastically which affected my mood and mental health.
He said he would not think I was down because I am very cheerful and positive. But I told him that it is not always the case for a lot of people to talk and be open about their mental health. It made me think about a few people I knew that attempted suicide despite not showing symptoms to others. Unlike other diseases that can be seen by the eyes, mental disorders are hard to identify because you do not see it in its physical form.
In fact, I don’t consider myself clinically depressed or whatever. But there are times when I feel down, anxious or scared and sometimes think of negative things.
In that period, I only had negative thoughts. I kept worrying about the sustainability of my business, about the weather, about how I felt imprisoned because I do not have a car, and I live in a secluded area with lack of opportunities and that there are less customers for me, that I wished I would not have to go to Brussels just to make more money to survive for my business, that I am scared to go outside because of fear that I will be treated unfavourably due to my race, etc
Additionally, I found it ironic sometimes because my place was a place for people to relieve stress and relax. And yet, I found myself being the first person to be distressed when there are customers.
“Do you ever feel down yourself?” I ask him.
He shook his head, which I interpreted as: “No”. So, I asked him, “How do you do it?”
This marked the beginning of a new-found relationship.
CHAPTER 4: MEDITATION AND ITS BENEFITS
(Disclaimer: Massage, meditation, breathing and self-reflection can sometimes support well-being — but they are not a substitute for professional medical or psychotherapeutic treatment. If you are experiencing mental health difficulties (such as depression, trauma, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, or emotional distress), please consider contacting a qualified mental-health professional or medical doctor.
The effects described here are purely anecdotal: every person is unique. There is no guarantee that you will experience similar results. Use any techniques or ideas mentioned in these texts only if they feel safe, and at your own risk.
This blog is not instructional therapy — it is a personal diary aimed at raising awareness and fostering reflection on the human experience.)
He said he has a habit that he does every night before he sleeps. He would not fall asleep unless he would do it beforehand. He said that he tries to breathe and when he notices that he is breathing with his stomach, then he would proceed to think about what happened to him during the day.
Thus, I tried it the night that he said it. While I was in bed, I tried to think of what happened during that day. Instantly, the beautiful falling leaves from the trees while I was riding the bike to the train station in Bruges came to my mind.
I tried to remember the details, what I felt, what I saw and what I heard. It was cold, I had my earphones, I was listening to songs on Spotify, and I went through this park, and I saw the trees shedding leaves, some are already orange, others are yellow, and others are red and green, some trees had only branches. The soil is filled with the autumn leaves, which are scattered all around the park except the walking paths and driveways and bike lanes. Beside the park was a river. The natural scene was breathtaking. I learned to appreciate the beauty that comes with the autumn, the luck I had to be able to live in this side of the world where there are four seasons, and the peacefulness and beauty of that moment.
I realize that thinking about it shifted my perspective. I did not think about biking 80 minutes back and forth to the train station in Bruges in a very cold day, and spending 2 hours in the train just to reach Brussels. I was in fact thankful for that because in that way, I was able to experience the beauty of biking and seeing the beauty of nature, without which it would not be possible had I only stayed at home.
What are the benefits of meditation? According to several articles from Harvard Health Publishing, a consumer health information division of the Harvard Medical School, meditation is a tool that may control pain, lower the blood pressure, calm the brain or help aid anxiety and depression.
ASIAN ORIGINS OF MEDITATION
In a paper published on 6 February 2025 on Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, entitled “A Review on Meditation: History, Transcendental Dimensions and Application in Psychology and Psychotherapy”, meditation was defined as “… a structured mental technique that, through consistent practice, fosters a state of tranquillity and enhanced cognitive awareness. This process enables individuals to observe their mental states with detachment, fostering greater self-regulation and emotional stability.”
“Meditation has prehistoric origins and historical continuity, particularly in religious contexts (Nash & Newberg, 2021). Early practices involved mantras, rhythmically repeated hymns (Perlman, 2019), with written references dating back to Hindu traditions in 1500 B.C. Artifacts like a seal depicting a lotus-seated figure from pre-Aryan civilizations (Harappa and Mohenjodaro) support its ancient roots. The Vedas (1500–1200 B.C.) extensively reference meditation, which also evolved in Taoist China and Buddhist India during the sixth and fifth centuries B.C.,” claimed the paper further.
DISCOVERY OF MEDITATION IN THE WEST
While I was aware of its religious roots, having read works of Thich Nhat Hanh, and Eckhart Tolle, I was not fully aware that it was also incorporated as part of a well-established tool in psychotherapy in the Western World. This was claimed by the paper as follows:
“Meditation’s introduction to the West began with the 1893 World Parliament of Religions, where figures like Swami Vivekananda presented Asian spiritual traditions. By 1904, Buddhist meditation was taught at Harvard, and the 1960s saw growing Western interest, fueled by the psychedelic revolution and counterculture. Key intellectuals like Allport and Akhilananda contributed to the study of Vedic meditation and Indian psychology. In the 1970s, meditation became a cultural element, integrated into Western thought through the “psychologization” of yoga, aligning with psychological concepts. Jung’s work on Kundalini Yoga influenced his theories on the collective unconscious and Depth Psychology. Initially dismissed by academic institutions, meditation gained scientific legitimacy through researchers like Zeidan and Vago, with growing U.S. funding and the establishment of meditation as a recognized therapeutic practice.”
According to mbsrcollaborative.com, in 1979, scientist-meditator Jon Kabat‑Zinn founded what became Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) at the University of Massachusetts Medical School.
Thanks to MBSR and subsequent clinical research, meditation became more than a spiritual or philosophical practice: it entered mainstream medicine, psychology, and public health. By bringing ancient contemplative methods into a reproducible, secular format, MBSR enabled scientific studies of meditation’s effects — on stress, pain, emotional regulation, and overall well-being.
Today, the lineage from ancient meditation traditions to modern therapeutic mindfulness shows how timeless human experiences (awareness, presence, embodiment) can be translated into formats accessible to many, without requiring religious belief and grounded in empirical evidence.
CHAPTER 5: AWARENESS AND ACCEPTANCE
(Disclaimer: The effects described here are purely anecdotal: every person is unique. There is no guarantee that you will experience similar results. Use any techniques or ideas mentioned in these texts only if they feel safe, and at your own risk. This blog is not instructional therapy — it is a personal diary aimed at raising awareness and fostering reflection on the human experience.)
‘AM I DOING IT RIGHT?’
After trying to meditate before I sleep, I texted him the following morning and asked him, “I did what you told me. Is this what you are doing exactly?”
He said that I did it right but he explained further.
“Every evening, really at the end of the day, you organise a moment of rest. Take a quiet place in the house you like, in clothes that feel good, if possible, without clothes. Anyhow not many clothes. Take a body position that makes you feel nice, like laying down on your bed, or sitting down on a chair. Some people prefer a yoga position, but that is not necessary. Then you start,” he said.
“Check if your breath is calm and deep. Use belly breath. Do not breath by using your shoulders or breast. If you notice your breath is going calm and slowly, you can start the meditation itself. Take in mind what the day was giving you. But be aware that other events occurred that were not so nice. Accept them also. In noticing and accepting you will find trust and rest for the next day,” he texted further.
So we did an exercise at the end of one of our massage sessions and he gave me the keywords: “noticing, acceptance, awareness”.
BREATHING FROM THE ARMS VS. BREATHING FROM THE STOMACH
I shared with him about how I sometimes can have very strong emotions. Then I started to express myself, about my frustrations and what was bothering me. He was just there, listening, and observing me, like the psychologist that he is (or at least as he appeared to me).
“I noticed while you are talking to me that you breathe from your arms,” he said. He told me about the difference between breathing from the arms and from the stomach. Breathing from the arms makes you more anxious, while breathing from the stomach makes you calmer.
He tried to assist me to check if I am properly breathing from the stomach. I tried to breathe again and do it from the stomach. I was confident that I was breathing from the stomach. But he said that it is not correct. He demonstrated it to me. I thought it was easy but I always end up breathing through my arms. It’s as if that was my default, that was how I breathed my whole life.
Moreso was the fact that I kept learning things I never knew before. Here is my customer talking to me, and giving me a lesson about meditation and breathing exercises. Since then, what became a series of massage sessions became an interesting conversation between a psychologist and a masseur about psychology.
CHAPTER 6: WHEN THE BODY AND MIND ARE FINALLY ONE
(Disclaimer: The effects described here are purely anecdotal: every person is unique. There is no guarantee that you will experience similar results. Use any techniques or ideas mentioned in these texts only if they feel safe, and at your own risk. This blog is not instructional therapy — it is a personal diary aimed at raising awareness and fostering reflection on the human experience.)
IS THE BODY CONNECTED TO THE MIND?
When I asked him what his thoughts are about massage, and how the body is connected to the mind, he simply said that they are not separate, but they are finally one. This concept was also discussed in many books about psychology.
They argue that a human being exists on many interconnected levels:
physical (the body you can touch)
emotional (the body that feels)
social (the body seen by others)
relational (the body that connects)
spiritual / existential (the subject that searches for meaning)
These layers are always interacting — you can’t separate them. If one layer is out of balance, the whole person suffers.
Examples:
Emotional stress → physical tension
Physical pain → irritability or sadness
LECTURES IN MY MASSAGE SCHOOL
Well-being means integration, not perfection. This idea felt familiar. During my massage school in Syntra West in Bruges, we discussed the benefits of massage and the theory behind it.
“Massage is more than rubbing, kneading, or chopping,” it said.
“It can bring healing on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual (or energetic) level,” explained by the school further.
“Physical level: Besides the muscles that relax during massage, the body is also encouraged to let go of toxins. These are removed through the elimination systems to the outside. That’s why it’s very important to tell your client that drinking plenty of water after a massage is a ‘must,’”
“Mental level: The relaxing massage lowers the stress level, which allows the circulation to work much better.”
“Emotional level: Through massage the body is touched, and also the feelings, emotions that reside in the body are “touched.” Feelings and emotions can rise to the surface during a massage and ensure that afterward the client can take a lighter step through life.”
“Spiritual or energetic: For many people, spiritual work (being in tune) is recommended, and through various techniques the inner self is addressed.”
DISCOVERING HOW I HELP HEAL THROUGH MASSAGE
So, the reason why the concept appeals to me as a masseur is that I see massage as an example of integration, when one’s different bodies are in harmony.
The effect of my massage was mostly evident in the faces of the customers I have seen, when they were much more at peace and happier after the session. I have also seen a few customers who cried during and after the massage, gave me a hug, or gave a big sigh, as if relieved from carrying something heavy.
Having these discussions with the psychologist and me writing it and looking back at my lectures and notes in my massage school makes me appreciate more what I do: Healing is not perfection, but integration. When I massage people, I help them integrate, therefore, I help them heal.
CHAPTER 7: TRAUMAS STORED IN OUR BODIES
(Disclaimer: The effects described here are purely anecdotal: every person is unique. There is no guarantee that you will experience similar results. Use any techniques or ideas mentioned in these texts only if they feel safe, and at your own risk. This blog is not instructional therapy — it is a personal diary aimed at raising awareness and fostering reflection on the human experience.)
OUR 4TH MASSAGE SESSION
It was 10 November. We just finished our 4th massage session. We continued our talks about meditation, as he said he would do.
He assisted me and checked my breathing. Very attentively, he looked and decided if I was breathing from the stomach. He asked questions whether I continued practicing the exercises before bed that we talked about. I said I do, and I tried to breathe properly from the stomach even if I was not sure if it was correct.
I told him that it helped me relax and be connected to the present. I knew already meditation even before I met him. But I had a new perspective with meditation when he tried to assist me. He demonstrated this with a simple exercise: we looked together across the window in the massage room, in the roofs opposite of us, tried to breath from our stomachs and tried to remember as much details as possible about what we saw. For 5 minutes or so there was just stillness.
I remember what I felt: it felt creepy because the clouds are grey. A slow peaceful piano music was being played from my Spotify. I saw 3 windows, one on the left, on in the middle and one on the right. The windows to the right have blue coat around it, and I liked it. The only part which I liked.
He then told me to describe what I saw, and then accept those details, even if it was not likeable: the roof was dirty, the weather is grey, etc.
OUR MEMORY FORGETS BUT OUR BODY REMEMBERS
I knew during that day that there was something more, something I was afraid to confront.
But I knew it was coming. It has to.
Previously I had given him a copy of my diary which I had written in Dutch. It had more than 230+ pages now, but I only gave him less than a hundred pages, an excerpt about my life when I was at the university. I asked him to analyze me, knowing his background in psychology.
I just knew that there was a lot of anger and pain in my history. I did not know where it was coming from. We discussed about how traumas are stored in our body, that even if I have no clear memory of events in my past, my body would not forget it. It is stored in there.
To show this, he then instructed me to lay down in my own massage bed and he stood behind me and lifted my head with his hands. I just laid down there and he stood there with his hands lifting my head for 10 minutes or so. I tried to focus on my breathing. At first, during the first few minutes, I felt nothing. I even imagined it would have been better if he massages my neck too not just hold it, since I was also exhausted with all the movements from the massage session. I just wanted it to end.
But then, after a few minutes of silence, something happened after. I sensed light between my eyes, which grew stronger the more I focus on it. It grew so strong that I was overwhelmed by it. There was this red strong energy between my eyes. A thought of a demon came to my mind, as if to resemble the fear that I was feeling from what was happening.
I tried to close my eyes even if it was already close, grinding my teeth, clenching my jaws – I don’t know what was happening but I moved into a defensive posture, fists tight and close to my heart. I opened my eyes, and I saw him. He was still there, I saw his face, trying to encourage me to continue. I closed my eyes again, and continue.
This time it was more intense, but I knew I was safe. I kept focusing on my breathing, on my stomach. My eyes were producing tears, even if I was not crying.
“It’s okay, it’s okay” he whispered to me. This signified the end of the session. I just laid on the table afterwards, relieved but tired. I was hungry.
He was surprised with my reaction. “I did not do anything. I just held up your head,” trying to explain to me that it was not magic or anything. “What has happened to you for you to have those reactions?” he asked curiously, trying to force a laugh to make less heavy.
“I don’t know,” I said. It could be a mix of all the things that I experienced, or it could be something that I already forgot, or that I have tried to forget. But after that session, I felt lighter, I felt I was reborn. I knew it was needed, and I had to face it. I have to grow, too.
Later that evening, he messaged me:
“It is rather important you do this evening the meditation moment in a good way. That is important for yourself. The special experience you had this afternoon, may not disturb you. Accept that special experience, knowing that this is now an important step in your personal growth. If you have bad feelings with it, or if you feel unhappy, please let me know. Then we can organise a talk online.”
CHAPTER 8: THE IMPORTANCE OF ENDING THE DAY POSITIVELY
(Disclaimer: The effects described here are purely anecdotal: every person is unique. There is no guarantee that you will experience similar results. Use any techniques or ideas mentioned in these texts only if they feel safe, and at your own risk. This blog is not instructional therapy — it is a personal diary aimed at raising awareness and fostering reflection on the human experience.)
WHAT IS INNER PEACE?
“How do you personally define inner peace?” I asked the psychologist in an interview on 25th November, our 6th massage session. I told him that I would want to write an article over the topics that we had discussed.
“Acceptance,” he answered.
This made me think about his habit of meditating before he sleeps and why he wanted me to do the meditation that evening in a good way.
He explained that during the day, both good things and bad things could happen anytime. But how I would view it at the end of the day could influence my memory of what happened during the day. Being aware of whatever happened during the day, and accepting them before I sleep, is a way to process trauma safely. That is why it’s important to accept all things at the end, and see it in a positive light.
It made me think about people on their deathbed. What kind of things would they be thinking? What would I be thinking if I will soon die? Would it be about the important people in my life? About how I lived a meaningful life?
Maybe the same pattern of thinking applies when I choose to end the day with acceptance of all the things that happened to me, whether good or bad. At the end of the day, when I choose to accept, I choose to heal and I choose inner peace.
I checked the research about this, and here is what I found out:
There is this study by Daniel Kahnema, among others, about the peak–end rule and the recency effect. Studies by Daniel Kahneman and others show that:
Humans do not remember every moment equally.
We remember the peak of an experience and the ending.
The ending can change how the entire past is stored in memory.
Maybe this is why the idea on ending the day with intention appeals to me: It’s not how long something lasts that matters most, it’s how it ends.
Moreover, neuroscience shows that during sleep, the brain reorganizes emotional memories. Stress held in the body during the day can either be released or reinforced depending on the emotional state before sleep. Meditation regulates the autonomic nervous system allowing the body to shift from
fight-or-flight to rest-and-digest. If you go to bed in a state of resistance, rumination, fear and anger, the brain tends to repeat, amplify, or store those patterns.
But if you go to bed with acceptance, calm breathing, awareness and emotional clarity your body processes the day gently and safely.
This is why many therapeutic traditions (ACT therapy, MBSR, somatic therapy) emphasize acceptance rather than suppression. Acceptance is not approval. Acceptance is relaxing the fight. And that relaxation allows the trauma-processing mechanisms of sleep to work.
CHAPTER 9: NO LONGER “JUST ANOTHER” CUSTOMER
The psychologist had thus far 6 massage sessions with me. With each session, the way I saw him or the way I perceived him changed bit by bit as I learn more information about him. I even had some remarks on his body that I never saw in my first, second or even my third session with him, even though he said those already existed even before the first session.
“It is very complicated,” he said to me while we were talking about the human mind and how he would describe it. “Our perception of reality can change without us knowing it,” he said further and introduced the concept phenomenology.
“To me you were just another masseur when I met you,” he said to me to explain in a way I would understand. “But as I get more information about you, I see you no longer as the same person as the first time I met you,” he explained further.
According to an article published by Saul Mcleod and reviewed by Olivia Guy-Evans from Simply Psychology, entitled “Phenomenology In Qualitative Research”: “Phenomenology in qualitative research is characterized by a focus on understanding the meaning of lived experience from the perspective of the individual.”
This concept appealed to me very much, because this man who appeared to be a stranger to me almost a month ago was now someone different.
The psychologist was no longer a customer to me. By the sixth session, the man who once stood behind my door waiting for a massage had become someone far more meaningful in my life.
He taught me that meditation is not complicated, that inner peace begins with acceptance, and that our bodies remember what our minds try to forget.
He reminded me that the mind and the body are not separate. And he showed me, without intending to, that the line between masseur and psychologist can blur when two people meet each other with honesty and curiosity. A client walked in as “just another customer.”
But today, I see him as a teacher, a companion in reflection, and an unexpected chapter in my diary of becoming.
And maybe that is the quiet beauty of human connection: you never know who will change your story — until they already have.